The Many Deaths of Roger Wilco
"The place where every day is a good day to die."


Space Quest 2 - Labion - Part 2


Slide too far down the rope.

You reach the end of the rope. This has a negative effect on your resistance to the urging of gravity.

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Let go of the rope before you're close enough to the ledge to jump off.

Your timing causes you to jump when the rope is at its least helpful point. Gravity beckons.

Due to the unyielding nature of solid ground, especially when struck from 50 meters, you now bear the dimensions of a manhole cover.

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After you've reached the ledge, walk off of it.

You carelessly step from the ledge to the bottom of the fissure. As should be expected from such a stupid stunt, you die.

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Walk through the cave from the ledge without a source of light.

You hear the sound of many small, scratchy footsteps moving toward you!

Owww!

GNASH!

GROWL!

CRUNCH!

SNAP!

You have just been felled by a killer Cave Beaver! You now know the meaning of excruciating when used in reference to level of pain.

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Try to walk through the canyon without having saved the pink alien first.

Yow! These guys seem to dislike you intensely. Using slings and very hard and sharp rocks, they have reduced you to a battered corpse.

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Take too long to produce a source of light in the cave maze.

Suddenly an inhuman guttural moan echoes through the narrow caves. You're not sure which direction it came from. The only thing you do know for sure is that you've just soiled your undergarment.

Yuck! A horrible aroma permeates the air. The sounds of suction and slithering reverberate throughout the tunnel.

Oh, crud! The warm and inviting feel of suction cup laden tentacles encompasses you. A sharp, probing pain is your introduction to death.

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From the start of the cave maze, go down, right, down, right, down, right, up, left, up, left, then back to the right.

Suddenly an inhuman guttural moan echoes through the narrow caves. You're not sure which direction it came from. The only thing you do know for sure is that you've just soiled your undergarment.

Oh, my. Now you know why they wanted to close the hole behind you. You have become the unwilling victim of the dreaded Cave Squid! Tough luck.

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Swim in the underground river for too long.

You grow quite weary swimming against the currents.

You can no longer continue swimming due to exhaustion. You slip beneath the surface.

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When you reach the fork in the river go the wrong way.

Roger: AAUGGH!

SPLAT!

After caroming off of a pair of rock outcroppings, you find a final resting place at the base of the falls.

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Get caught by the Labion Terror Beast.

Well, ain't that a hoot. That guy reduced you to a multi-colored mound of cole slaw-like matter. Better than a Murphco Slice-O-Matic. You are dead, however.

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Get discovered by the guard on the platform. (Walk out in the open or THROW ROCK)

Dang. Allowing the guard to observe you was not very swift. He has disassembled you, probably adding a little excitement to his otherwise dull day.

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Sneak over to underneath the platform and get the guard to leave to the south by calling out (CALL GUARD) or throwing a rock (THROW ROCK). Then once he's gone, exit to the south yourself.

Strolling south you run into the guard from the tower. He doesn't seem to appreciate your comments regarding today's weather.

BANG!

It was pretty dumb to follow a non-friend bearing a lethal weapon. As you should have expected, he still desired you non-functional. Keep trying, Roger Wilco.

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Call the guard on the platform. (CALL GUARD)

You call out a universal expletive.

The being fires in the general direction of the sound. Unfortunately, that happens to be where you are. You know the rest.

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Try to throw the rock at the guard unassisted. (THROW ROCK AT GUARD)

You throw the rock in the direction of the guard. Unfortunately, it falls well short of its target. The guard responds by firing in the direction he thought it came from.

Doesn't that bite!?. The guard caught a glimpse when you chucked the rock and, with impressive accuracy, wasted you.

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Walk off of the top of the platform.

After surviving to this point, you are still prone to acts typical of the mentally absent.

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Once you've reached the top of the platform, go back down the elevator.

You head back down to the lower level. Unfortunately, you are met by an armed guard. You have been quite a headache. To make it up to them, you are strung between two hovercraft. On the command "GO", life leaves you (in two different directions).

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Power up the shuttle, set the attitude dial to VAC, turn on the thrusters, then move the throttle in the wrong direction.

Because you are terminally weak above the shoulders, you guide the ship into the ground.

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This site was created by Liz Calkins on June 18, 2001.
E-mail: jeysie@alienharmony.com