The Many Deaths of Roger Wilco
"The place where every day is a good day to die."


Space Quest 2 - Vohaul's Asteroid


Fall off one of the ledges on the screen where you begin.

It's a short step to the end of the game for you. You're no Buddy Ebsen.

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Fall off one of the ledges near the elevators.

Smooth move, Exlax! You now know that artificial gravity can be equally effective as natural gravity. Due to the long fall and sudden stop your body has become a two-dimensional object. You're dead, of course.

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Go down the stairs from where you begin, get trapped, and wait.

The door behind you closes solidly!

A barrier springs up before you!

Another barrier stands in your way!

You feel the floor shift below you! It's moving to the left!

Imagine, if you will, taking a bath in sulphuric acid and using pumice for a washcloth. After that bit of displeasure passes, it gets much worse as the acid slowly eats its way to the last critical organs. Finally, mercifully, death takes you.

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Put the plunger on the wall too early and lose your grip.

Using formerly uncharacteristic creativity, you apply the suction cup-like plunger to the smooth metal finish and hang on for dear life! Once a janitor, always a janitor!

You can hang on no longer. Your grip weakens...

Imagine, if you will, taking a bath in sulphuric acid and using pumice for a washcloth. After that bit of displeasure passes, it gets much worse as the acid slowly eats its way to the last critical organs. Finally, mercifully, death takes you.

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Get too close to the cage with the furry fists around the bars.

Youch! You feel alarmingly dense!

Apparently, you were a prime focal point for some aggression channeling by one of the caged creatures. Your compressed composition indicates that your attacker possesses considerable strength, a good guy to avoid in the future.

Of course, you are damaged beyond repair and the game must end. You've made quite a bit of progress, though. Don't start screwing up now.

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Get run over by the floor waxer.

It looks like you've been formally introduced to the floor waxer. You now consist of a very thin, yet glossy floor covering. Too bad. You seemed to be making relatively good progress.

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Get kissed by the alien then try to continue with the game.

Oh, no! One of the cells is opening. Who knows what unspeakable horror waits behind those steel bars?

OH, YUCK!! The dark and spiny beast with massive red lips grabs you up and, after a longing glance, proceeds (don't read further if the phrase "French kiss" bothers you) to plant a very moist french kiss on you. You are left quite stunned.

You are suddenly wracked by excruciatingly violent pain! It feels as if your body is trying to turn inside-out.

After gaining freedom from its flesh fortress, the odd little alien runs away leaving you lying on the floor like a used, over-sized placenta. A darn tough, yet unique, way to go. That should teach you not to be sucking face with alien beings in the future.

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Use the lighter while in the bathroom. (USE LIGHTER)

Well Roger Wilco, I guess you'll be paying methane a little more respect in the future. If Mr. Science were here, he would have explained that open flame and high concentrations of methane gas don't mix. Since you're dead you'd best get to restoring.

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Get caught by a wallbot.

You have made the mistake of getting within what looks to be a cattle-prod's distance of the metal menace.

An electrical contact connected to an extension arm reaches from its body and makes contact with you. That's when you begin feeling the intense burst of electrical current pulsing through your body. You quickly black out.

As you can see, you amount to little more than a hill of laser-fried beans. You've come a long way only to be torched. Keep up the fine work.

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Try to set off the sprinkler system while on the wallbot screen, and get killed by a wallbot.

You have made the mistake of getting within what looks to be a cattle-prod's length of the metal menace.

An electrical contact connected to an extension arm reaches from its body and makes contact with you. That's when you begin feeling the intense burst of electrical current pulsing through your body. You quickly black-out.

While receiving a nice hosing yourself, the basket fire is extinguished. Seconds later a loud series of pops is followed by the smell of fried electronics.

Unfortunately it's too late for you!

The sprinklers sense accomplishment and cease operation.

As you can see, you amount to little more than a hill of laser-fried beans. You've come a long way only to be torched. Keep up the fine work.

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Fall off of the console after you've been miniaturized.

You now know for a fact that less weight does not equal less pain at the onset of deceleration trauma. You've come so far only to die in a dumb way. What a geek.

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Take too long to escape from the glass container.

A serious lack of oxygen causes you to black out and eventually die. Too bad Vohaul didn't see fit to punch some air holes for you. That's all for now, Roger Wilco.

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Try to walk to the keyboard before you've killed Vohaul.

Darn, Roger Wilco. I guess His Lardness got a little fed up with your meddling. You've been redesigned once again revealing a permanent overhead view. You resemble one of those colorful mosaics commonly found on windshields.

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Type REDUCE on the keyboard then enter the jar again.

By already being in a miniaturized form and setting the beam to reduce, you are now too small to exist. That wasn't too swift on your part. Too bad.

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Fall off of Vohaul's ledge or the stairs.

Well, Roger Wilco, you've found one more way to snatch humiliation from the jaws of heroism.

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Kill Vohaul then take too long to stop the salesmen launch.

Bad news, Roger Wilco. The clone launch has progressed flawlessly. Life is now hopeless, your civilization doomed. There is no need to go on.

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Go too far down the glass walkway before you've put on the oxygen mask.

A section of the glass tubing has fractured from combined stress. The pressurized atmosphere rushes for the relative vacuum of space.

Due to the effect of the air rushing by you to get out the hole, the air in your lungs is sucked out and you find it impossible to get more. Hence you struggle, but die. You only had 228 points anyway. No big loss.

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Kill Vohaul then take too long to get off the asteroid.

"40 MINUTES UNTIL MELTDOWN," a synthesized voice cheerfully announces.

Synthesized voice: 1 MINUTE LEFT. IT'S BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU.

More bad news, Roger Wilco. The asteroid's orbit has finally decayed to the point where contact with the molecular contents of Labion's upper atmosphere has been achieved.

The result of this friction is a tremendous heat build-up. Despite being a very dense chunk of matter, the asteroid flames out, broiling you with it. Another victim in the heartless universe of adventure.

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Get caught by Vohaul's Marrow-Matic robot.

Any curiousity you may have harbored regarding the menacing, metallic pest will now be satisfied as you have drawn too close. Your attention is attracted to a decal on the front of the machine. It says "The Vohaul Marrow-Matic". This rouses your curiousity.

Suddenly you note that each and every bone in your body feels as though it has been transformed into molten matter. Never slow to catch on, you notice that you are cooking from the inside out! Now this is a pain that lingers!

Every drop of moisture is purged from your system by the intense heat of the internal barbecue. Your dehydrated composition makes it impossible to continue. Better luck next time, Roger Wilco.

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This site was created by Liz Calkins on June 18, 2001.
E-mail: jeysie@alienharmony.com