The Many Deaths of Roger Wilco
"The place where every day is a good day to die."


Space Quest 5 - Thrakus


Beam down without putting on the rebreather mask first.

4 out of 5 doctors agree that beaming into a toxic atmosphere without the proper equipment can be hazardous to your health.

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Look in the escape pod then leave that screen without turning off the homing device first.

They homed right in on you. Better try that one again, Ace.

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Hang from the ledge for too long without giving Beatrice something to grab on to.

Beatrice: Give me your hand or something and I'll climb over you and pull you up after me...

Beatrice: Wilco! I can't hold on much longer!

Bea is dead. In an alternate future she would've borne your son. In the future past of Space Quest 4, your son would have saved your life. But she didn't, so he couldn't -- therefore you aren't.

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Hang from the ledge for too long after Beatrice has climbed up.

Looks like you hung around too long. Don't worry, you'll make great compost for some baby mushrooms.

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Climb up the vine without calling the Eureka first.

Some space hero you are! Sheesh, you couldn't adventure yourself out of a damp cellulose container without third-part intervention!

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Wait around when the Goliath attacks.

Droole: She's coming about, sir. We can't withstand another pass!

Duuuuh. You died because you were dumb.

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Run out of fuel while trying to rescue Cliffy.

If this pod ran on stupidity you'd have nothing to worry about. As it is, you've exhausted your fuel supply and are caught in the gravity well of a nearby planet. The rest of your life should prove to be short but interesting.

Slep: Ah look, Crumpella, a shooting star. Make a wish.

Crumpella: OK, Slep. I wish...

Crumpella: I wish...

Crumpella: I wish we would discover someone else out there among the stars...

Slep: Don't be silly, Crumpella! Everyone knows there's no intelligent life out there!

Fuelish human! You ran out of gas!

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Run out of oxygen while trying to rescue Cliffy.

The tightness in your lungs and throat, along with the "ZERO" reading on the oxygen gauge, leads to the inescapable conclusion that you were a fool and spent too much time screwing around wasting your air.

Slep: Ah look, Crumpella, a shooting star. Make a wish.

Crumpella: OK, Slep. I wish...

Crumpella: I wish...

Crumpella: I wish we would discover someone else out there among the stars...

Slep: Don't be silly, Crumpella! Everyone knows there's no intelligent life out there!

Funny thing about oxygen... when you run out, you die.

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Enter the EVA pod without having picked up the oxygen tank first.

As the last wisps of oxygen filter through the pod's life support system you try to yell for help, but the only sound that escapes your throat is a loud burping sound. As the world fades to black, you know your doom is sealed: In space, no one can hear you belch.

Slep: Ah look, Crumpella, a shooting star. Make a wish.

Crumpella: OK, Slep. I wish...

Crumpella: I wish...

Crumpella: I wish we would discover someone else out there among the stars...

Slep: Don't be silly, Crumpella! Everyone knows there's no intelligent life out there!

Next time listen to your science officer.

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This site was created by Liz Calkins on June 18, 2001.
E-mail: jeysie@alienharmony.com