The Many Deaths of Roger Wilco
"The place where every day is a good day to die."

Space Quest 1 VGA - Ulence Flats

Get toasted by the slot machine by getting three skulls.

Machine: You lose, homeboy!

Luck's turn has cost you dearly. As your dust particles gradually drift across Kerona's barren landscape, you reflect upon the irony of your fate. Many was the time you swept and dumped piles of dust very similar to your current state.


After you've sold your skimmer or had it stolen, enter the bar and win the money at the slot machine, then exit the bar. Follow the alien, and take too long to give him your money.

Mugger: Say there, pal. It's come to my attention that you're in the market for some transportation.

Mugger: I may be able to help. If you'll follow me, I'd like to show you a fine little piece of machinery that'll knock your eyes out.

Mugger: Come on over here, pal. Wait'll ya see this!

Mugger: Hold it right there, pal! This is a stick-up! I'll just relieve you of your cash, thank you very much.

Mugger: C'mon, c'mon, I ain't got all day.

The mugger impresses upon you that he was quite serious.


Buy the wrong ship from Tiny's.

Tiny: Don't let appearances fool ya. This baby may be a relic, I mean, a classic, but she's a dependable as the day we got her. And just think, you'll be the only one on the quadrant with one. I guarantee it!

Tiny: She's a beaut, isn't she? This little baby can do a spin around the planet in just under an hour. Look at the lines in that body work. They just don't make 'em like this anymore, ya know what I mean? And she's a real bargain at 185 buckazoids.

Tiny: Now, just take a gander at these beauties, sport. If ya see one ya like, just give a hoot. I'll stand right over here. No pressure. Absolutely none.

Tiny: I tell ya, I think you've made a wise decision. She's a beauty. The keys are in her. If you have any problems don't hesitate to come back and tell us about 'em.

Darn the luck. You've crashed in the dunes and ended your life. The various inhabitants of the Keronian desert are now feasting on your remains. Guess that wasn't such a hot purchase.


Buy the SUX-9000 droid from Droids-B-Us.

Robot: Hello, sir. Your new robot will be here in a moment.

Robot: Oh my. Another shredded customer. I suppose someone will be upset about this. Why do I bother.

You seem to have had trouble maintaining your composure (not to mention your molecular structure). Get yourself together. Unfortunately, you're the universe's only hope.


Buy the DEF-TECH droid from Droids-B-Us, then click the hand icon on the boxes three times.

Robot: Here's your incredibly complex robot, sir. I sprained my thermodiodinal-tricycler carrying it out here for you. I hope you're satisfied.

Robot: And I hope you're smarter than you look, or you'll never be able to put it together. How depressing.

Unfortunately, you AREN'T smarter than you look, so you'd best leave the incredibly complex robot parts alone before you hurt yourself. Too bad they don't give rebates to retrobates.

You can tell this is definitely out of your league. You can't even open the boxes, let alone assemble what's inside.

Well, okay. If you really feel competent enough to assemble this thing, just do it. Start with the smallest box.


Guess this was a bit beyond your capabilities. Speaking of bits, that's about all that remains of you. Hope you can regroup those molecules and get back to the game.


Drink 6 beers.

Bartender: Listen, Mac, I shouldn't serve you any more. You're sledged! You'd better go sleep it off or something before you start making a public display of yourself.

Dialogue choice: Gimme anudder un, ya jerr-erk!

Bartender: Here ya go.


You wisely (although somewhat belatedly) decide to heed the bartender's advice.

You stagger out of the bar after ignoring the bartender's advice. You're so sledged that you don't even notice that you're about to become prime prey for the many parasitic life forms in the area. You quickly pass out due to your low Keronian Ale tolerance.

While your body tries to sleep it off you lose every possession you own. Soon, your body is stripped for parts. Obviously, you don't make it through the night.


Walk into the force field four times.

(1st time message)

Ouch! That hurt!

(1st time message con't)

You are standing next to the protective barrier encircling Ulence Flats. Due to the fact that you are land-based, you are not able to pass.

(after 4th time)

Yikes! It looks like you hit that force field one too many times. Not only did it burn every follicle of hair from your sleek frame, but your aorta, if you could see it, now resembles the end of a red celery stalk.


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This site was created by Liz Calkins on June 18, 2001.